


In the Dark

by AnorOmnis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23249755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnorOmnis/pseuds/AnorOmnis
Summary: Marauders lives in the aftermath of the prank that nearly ruined everything. Can Remus and Sirius ever be friends again?  Shifting POV, will be looking at different chapters through all the major characters' lenses. Canon-compliant!
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

“Tilt the broom up –UP – you little snot – child – Dammit PADFOOT.”

Sirius ignored the rebuke, continuing to charm the broom in front of him so that the small rider atop it couldn’t steer it upward. “You shouldn’t swear in front of the little ones, James. Whatever would Lily think?”

James whipped back, his head moving from left to right so quickly Sirius could hear his neck _crick._ “Lily? Is she here?”

Sirius snorted. “No, you dolt. I do think the toddlers are getting away from you though.”

Sure enough, two of the children had dismounted their brooms and were using them to whack the remaining riders off; the rest of them had drifted far away enough that James could no longer shout instruction at them; one had found a way to make his broomstick dance to the tune of every Celestina Warbeck song. James shuddered, momentarily distracted at the thought of the horrors that had befallen the small child. The rider Sirius’ charm had been blocking, however, was focused solely on Sirius, glaring at his from atop his uncooperative broomstick.

“Three-foot-and-unders, assemble!”

Sirius barked with laughter as the children proceeded to ignore James, despite his commanding Captain-of-the-Quidditch-team voice. A dark haired girl who had just been whacked off her broom actually blew a raspberry at him, which the other children thought was the height of comedy. Peals of laughter could be heard along the pitch.

James looked crestfallen. Sirius almost felt bad for the bloke – it couldn’t be good for his self-esteem to be so resolutely ignored. You’d think that he’d be used to it by now, with five and a half solid years of Lily turning her nose up at him. Children loved Sirius, though, he’d bet that he could have had the whole lot of them eating out of his hand in minutes. He bit his tongue before the remark about Lily slipped through; things had just started to get back to normal. The last thing he wanted was to upset James, and mentioning Lily was a surefire way to do so.

Unbidden, his eyes sought out the stands in which Remus was nestled with his books. Remus had so far been watching James attempt to manage the young wizards and witches with great amusement, shouting advice from the stands. So far, the advice had been directed at the kids on how best to rile James up and had been catastrophically effective. The barely suppressed glee on Remus’ face was delightful after months of strained conversation. Strain Sirius had put there.

His thoughts must have shown on his face because James momentarily gave up shouting orders and clasped his shoulder instead, saying as he did so, “Reckon I can summon the lot and stuff them in bags for their parents to collect?”

Eternally grateful, Sirius rolled his eyes, “Only if you want the love of your life to chase you down the hall and call you a ‘toerag’, again.”

So much for biting his tongue. James simply roared with laughter though, mussing up his hair and smacking Sirius on the head.

“Can’t have that,” said James cheerfully, even as he charmed enormous neon stop signs to appear next to each kid. “Can’t have them riding brooms for any longer either. They’re defiling the Noble Sport and by Godric, I’m a second away from strangling that one.”

Sirius looked at the small, black haired boy gleefully zooming behind one of the children who had previously been thwacking the other kids off their brooms. They had all ignored the charmed signs, which were rapidly losing their flashy colour.

“Ah, but Prongs, my stag,” said Sirius sagely, “that’s because you didn’t have half his talent at twice his age.”

James gave him a wounded look, but Sirius could see the relief and happiness simmering. This was almost _normal,_ could things really be back to the way they used to be? His eyes sought Remus for confirmation, but Remus was pointedly looked away, pretending he hadn’t been watching them. Sirius felt the air rush out of his lungs, the heaviness in the pit of his stomach all he was aware of.

By the time he had steeled himself, James’ glasses had been stolen by the black haired prodigy; James seemed to have forgotten he was a wizard, opting to chase the kid instead of summoning the glasses. Sirius couldn’t help but risk a glance at Remus, whom he’d normally trade an exasperated look with at this point. He nearly yelped – Remus was standing barely half a foot away from him.

Sirius shuffled his feet. “All right there, Moo-Remus?”

Remus nodded his head, quickly and awkwardly. His eyes flickered at Sirius’ hair and the ghost of a smile appeared in his eyes.

_By Salazar. No, Gryffindor. No, Godric. Bollocks, why couldn’t he just say the right thing. Or at least think it. And then say it._

“Remus! Oi, REMUS! Get these devils off me.”

Remus didn’t seem perturbed by James’ yells. He was scribbling something in that notebook of his, not speaking to Sirius or responding to James. Sirius sighed in his head. He knew he was going to have to be patient, but it was taking all he had to not drop to his knees and beg and yell until Moony either hit him or yelled at him. Remus now, not Moony.

_I’m never going to be Moony. Never again._ That was all he had said about what had happened with Snivellus. Snape now, not Snivellus. _And you can’t call him Snivellus. I owe him everything. I couldn’t bear it._ Sirius had wished he could rip his soul from his body and present it to Moony, show him that the core of his very being repented. Not about _Snivellus,_ the voice in his head sneered. About Moony, about hurting him, making him feel like he owed anyone anything, about taking something away from him. _You’ll be Moony again if it’s the last thing I manage_ , Sirius vowed silently, _but I will manage it._

“Remus, Pads, I’m begging.” The children were playing catch with his glasses now.

Sirius wished he could beg.

“Lily will never talk to me again.” James appeared to be wrestling with a kid hovering in mid-air.

Moony would never talk to him again as Moony.

“Argh-”

He should be the one who suffered, now and forever. Not Moony. Never Moony.

Sirius’ tortured gaze was reflected in Remus’ eyes. Dark black eyes stared into light brown ones and for a moment, both were frozen, unwilling and unable to look away. Remus drew his wand, almost casually. Sirius felt the thrill of anticipation sweep over his body; he closed his eyes and hoped it would hurt.

“Last one to the Great Hall doesn’t get any Frogs!” Remus’ wand was pointed at his throat; his voice resounded across the pitch. Grim understanding shadowed his face.

Squeals of excitement greeted this announcement. Barely a moment later, the pitch was deserted. Abandoned broomsticks were littered all over the field along with a James with uncharacteristically hunched shoulders, twigs in his hair, and dirt-smeared glasses. Shaking his head, he made his way to the two of them, muttering to himself the whole while.

“Good practice?” Remus’ lips twitched.

“I hope that’s put you off kids permanently,” Sirius interjected, his voice louder and more cheerful than he’d intended.

“Nah, mate. Mine will know how to play a real match and follow instructions. Not like these amateurs,” scoffed James. “They’ll have my hair and dashing looks and Lily’s wit and her eyes and her Potions skills.”

James spirits had returned astoundingly fast.

“Potions skills?” snorted Sirius.

“They have to get in the Slug Club and carry on their parents’ tradition of exposing Slug for the fraud he is.”

“I think Lily gets along with Professor Slughorn well enough,” said Lupin mildly.

“Ah, but she’s sly, that one. Always does it so only the best of us can see.” And with those insightful but meaningless words, he slung an arm over both their shoulders and together, the three walked off the field and to the Great Hall, Sirius’ rainbow-coloured hair glinting in sun.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus badly wanted a smoke. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine he was in the greenhouse with nothing but the pack he had hidden away last week for company. He flinched at the thought, for his memories of the greenhouse were inevitably accompanied by Sirius whooping with delight as Remus blew smoke rings. Remus squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could, trying to force the memories down into the deepest recesses of his brain. He could not,  _ would not _ , think about this.

“If you walk into a wall, I’m going to stand here and laugh.”

Lily’s matter-of-fact voice nearly made him smile. Remus wrenched his eyes open.

“I’m being moody again, aren’t I?”

“Mad-Eye’s Moody. You’re Remus.”

Remus’s anguished groan was drowned out by the sound of Lily’s cackle. James had been tormenting them with bad puns for years already. Remus thought, with some amusement, that this was not information Lily would want him to share. They were on their last round of the night, much to his disappointment. Patrols with Lily had become his favourite part of the day, a welcome escape from the tension that would seep into all the interactions he had been having with the Marauders lately.

“What’s been up with you lately, anyway?”

“What do you mean?”

Lily  _ tsked  _ impatiently. “You’ve been avoiding everyone and you look like someone slapped your great aunt with a cauldron full of fish.”

Remus pursed his lips to stop himself smiling. “A fish cauldron?”

“Oh, sod off, it was the first thing that popped into my head,” said Lily, playfully whacking his arm. “So, are you ready to tell me yet?”

“It’s nothing,” said Remus feebly.

Lily rolled her eyes.

“It’s nothing,” Remus repeated, fidgeting uncomfortably. “OWL stress.”

Her gaze grew more skeptical, but she didn’t say a word. Remus could hear his heart pounding as he desperately tried to think of an excuse that would dissuade her; Lily was notoriously single-minded  when faced with questions she couldn’t answer, rather like another one of his friends.

But perhaps he should tell her. Maybe Lily could help him figure out what to do, Remus reasoned.  _ Or perhaps,  _ said the small voice in his head,  _ this will prove to everyone that the werewolf can’t be trusted to keep secrets. What would you say, anyway? I nearly killed both our best friends and now I’m moping about because I think I should be put down and I have nightmares about wolfing up and ripping apart you and everyone else I love. Oh, and by the way, I’m a werewolf and the Whomping Willow’s my home one night a month. Surprise! _

What he wouldn’t do for that smoke and silence.

He felt a wave of shame wash over him. Lily looked deeply concerned, and he was failing to think of a way to placate her. It was at that moment that a muffled yell cut across his frantic thoughts.

Remus and Lily exchanged a quick glance, then drew their wands and began to run down the corridor toward the sound. Lily pointed at the only closed door along the row. Remus nodded, reflexively running through his repertoire of spells. Lily made as though she was about to barge in, and he had to lunge forward to grab her shoulder to restrain her. She rounded on him angrily as he made contact and he nearly winced, pressing a finger to his lips instead and praying she would acquiesce. She gave him a curt nod and flicked her wand– an odd rushing sensation that made his ears feel as though they had just been unstoppered washed over him.

“Would you roll him over?” a voice inside the room hissed, making Remus jump. It sounded like he was standing right next to him.

“I’m trying. But he – won’t– bloody– move.”

“Move aside,” sneered a third voice. “I’ll take care of the Mudblood myself. Another second of such incompetence and the two of you may find yourself joining it.”

Remus and Lily looked at one another in horror. Or at least, Remus looked at where Lily had just been. The sound of the door blasting open alerted him to her location. Remus was half a step behind her, and even so, was almost too late to deflect the ugly spell Avery had aimed at her from the ground. Lily’s spell had caught – Nott, from the looks of it – in the chest, but Avery and Alecto had managed to avoid the ones thrown their way. Remus dropped his shield charm to aim a Body Binding Hex at Carrow even as Avery shouted “ _ Confringo! _ ”.

Lily was forced to dive across the room to avoid the spell. A loud blast reverberated against the walls as the desk exploded, but no one paid it any heed. Remus aimed a stunning spell where Avery had been standing just as Lily was forced to push Remus behind another desk to avoid Amycus’ spell; he quickly cast a strengthening charm to reinforce the fragile wood.

There was a small body behind the frame. Lily had probably chosen what was otherwise an awful position to lend the boy some cover, a small, strangely rational voice in his head reasoned. It was instantly overtaken by dread –the boy did not appear to be breathing. He looked almost dead. Remus’ heart nearly seized just as the boy’s eyes flung open. Nearly collapsing from relief, Remus hastily gave him what he hoped was a reassuring look and then promptly aimed a stunner at their assailants.

“I’m going to enjoy carving you up, Mudblood,” Alecto shouted over the din. “Your werewolf boyfriend can watch while you beg for mercy.”

Remus’ blood went cold. He was struggling to breathe, and not just because of the exertion anymore. Looking at Lily had become impossible, and he tried to drown out the sound of the jeering.

“You’ll know your place by the time I’m through with you.”

Remus redoubled his efforts, his blood running cold. Neither the wizard nor the witch had anticipated there would be so many of them; Remus could see four cuts on the side of Lily’s face as they both struggled against the barrage of spells being aimed at them. As the helplessness snaked through his body, the pent up frustration and rage burst forth and overwhelmed it. 

_ Think Remus _ , he urged himself,  _ you need a plan. _

“I’m throwing the table. Shield us after,” he said to Lily, forcing himself to make the words as calm as possible.

Lily nodded, not bothering to look at him. Remus hoped she still trusted him enough to listen, and then thought  _ Engorgio!  _ as hard as he could: the table was twice its normal size when he blasted it across the room, the bodies it hit making a dull thudding sound. A quick glance confirmed that the Carrows had been dealt with.

Nott and Avery were still somehow on their feet, but Lily’s Shield Charm was waning against the strength of their spells. Remus had hardly a second to catch his breath before Nott’s hex broke through. He reacted automatically, but Nott was frozen instead of stunned. Remus realized with a pang that he and Lily both had their wands pointed at him.

_Avery_ , thought Remus desperately, twisting around as fast as his body would let him, only to be hit face-first by Avery’s spell. There was a shock of pain as the skin on his arms split open and blood began to pour out. Remus tried to lift his wand, but his arms would not obey him - he was not entirely sure that they could. It was a small wonder that Avery dropped, regardless. He craned his neck, trying to cast Lily a grateful look for he was not sure he could yet speak. Instead, Remus saw tiny Professor Flitwick at the door, his wand out and frozen in horror. _Am I late for Charms?_ , thought Remus absurdly, just as he passed out from blood loss.

**********************************************************************

When Remus came to, Professor Flitwick’s anxious face was peering down at him. He swatted at him in annoyance, mumbling, “Ger’off Potter, it was _one_ time and it wasn’t _me.”_

_ “ _ Should we have expected memory loss and distortion, Poppy?”

“I don’t think so. The boys refused to share what spells were used, so I’ll need more time to examine him.”

This couldn’t be the hospital wing, thought Remus slowly, for his body wasn’t wreaked with the pain of transformation. In fact, he felt quite good, about ready to walk up to the tower and –

“Lily?” Remus yelped, shooting up in his bed.

“She’s sleeping, dear. I patched her right up and gave her something to help her rest,” Madame Pompfrey’s voice was gentle, but strained. “I’ve seen to your arms and the shrapnel from the desk and there don’t appear to be any internal injuries,” she continued more briskly, “Are you still in pain?”

“No, Madame,” said Remus in a small voice. It was a Thursday night, the only night every week that Pompfrey took a few hours off for, usually to call her sister, and now he’d ruined it for her. He sank lower in his bed, wishing he could disappear.

“They seem much better now, Poppy, well done!” squeaked Professor Flitwick. “I must admit, I was worried for a moment, there. But you’ve done a wonderful job! I must report this unfortunate evening to the headmaster,” his voice dropped a notch, “but I’m sure he’ll wish to speak to you,” - he nodded towards Remus - “and Miss Evans in the morning.”

Remus nodded uncomfortably in turn. Professor Flitwick took one more look around the room and seemed to decide that there was nothing more to be done. With a quick kiss on Madame Pomfrey’s cheek, he bounced out of the hospital wing.

Madame Pomfrey’s jaw was clenched when she checked Remus’ vitals. None of his friends had turned up, Remus noted. He fought the small burst of hurt, reminding himself that it was, after all, quite late - James had had Quidditch practice, Peter was likely asleep, and he hadn’t really spoken to Sirius in a while. For the second time that night, Remus shot bolt upright.

“The boy! I think it was Dave – is he okay?” he asked frantically.

There was a short pause as Madame Pomfrey finished casting a spell Remus had never heard on his right arm.

“Oi, Poppy, isn’t it your job to stop his heart arresting?” Sirius seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

Remus could not help the rush of gratitude that flooded through him. Madame Pomfrey did not seem surprised at the new arrival, simply shooing him out of the way as she moved to check Lily’s vitals. Before she could respond, Sirius continued with a grin, “Kid’s fine. Poppy did a fantastic job, as always, and then put him to bed. I asked to be tucked in next, but she wasn’t having it.”

“You’re lucky I let you back into my ward, Mr. Black,” said Madame Pompfrey threateningly, but she sounded more tired than teasing. “As it is, my patients need some rest. Go on now, shoo.”

She pointed her wand at the door, but Sirius made no move to leave. He looked at Remus questioningly instead, eyebrow arched and hands in his pocket. Remus sunk back into his pillow, too tired to pretend, and closed his eyes. A few seconds later, the sound of Sirius’ footsteps faded, and Remus was finally left alone. Now he could think about what he was going to say to Lily.

*********************************************************************************

“Remus? Are you up?”

Remus had, despite his best attempts, been awake since Sirius had left. A part of him had hoped one of his friends would visit - he kept listening for the tell-tale sound of their footsteps. Eventually, he had accepted that they would not be coming and had settled in bed. The pain from his arm was not enough to distract him from his rapidly escalating thoughts; he’d spent the better part of the night trying to come up with an explanation Lily would buy and had failed miserably.

“Can I get you anything? How are you feeling?” he asked, trying to cherish what he was sure were the last few moments he had left of this friendship.

“I’m fine. Avery got me right as Flitwick showed up.” Remus nearly grinned through the anxiety at the unmistakable sound of a scowl in her voice. “Dave got Avery, though. You should’ve seen the look  on his face,” Lily said, quiet pride colouring her words.

“I thought that was Flitwick?”

“I thought so too, until I turned around and he had his wand out. It looked like he was getting ready to hex him again when Flitwick stepped in.”

They were both quiet for a few moments. It was unbearable, why had she not said anything yet? Perhaps she was consumed with the other worry that had been eating away at Remus. There had been far too many unexplained attacks on Muggleborns; until last year, they had, for the most part, been contained to the outside world. Now, a student was attacked nearly every week. But there hadn’t been such a blatant attack so far, which meant things had gotten significantly worse right under their noses. He himself had been on the receiving end of far too many filthy slurs, but those, like most bad things in his life, had been buffered by the Marauders. Remus rubbed his temples – how had he not considered how the rest of the students were faring?

“I saw Dave last week at lunch. Asked him how things were going - he seemed jumpy,” said Lily, her voice quiet. “I should’ve asked him what was wrong, but I was so busy studying for the Transfiguration exam that I didn’t pay enough attention.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Remus said, his voice strained. “None of us knew how bad things had gotten.”

“Yes we did. We just didn’t want to see it.”

Remus did not have a response to her words. They were perfectly true. He had known; he had simply chosen to ignore it in favour of his own selfish concerns. Even now, his fear of being discovered was competing with his worry for the state of the wizarding world. 

“All this time, I’ve been hoping the war’s going to be over by the time we leave. But now,” Lily’s voice was low, but dangerous, “now, I want to be out there. I want to show them all that a Mudblood like me can take them on, even beat them, until they’re as scared of me as I’ve been of them. And no,” she shot her words at Remus and he flinched involuntarily, “I do  _ not _ give a damn if you’re a werewolf. You’re the most human person I know and there’s precious few people I’d trust to watch my back more than you. I won’t hear  _ anyone _ say otherwise, not even you, so you’d better stop looking at me like I’m about to attack you.”

It was strange to feel so much terror and so much gratitude at the same time. Remus could feel a lump in his throat. What came out was a bit less wholesome than what he was feeling. “Lily, you can’t – you can’t tell anyone. If they found out…”

Lily held his gaze. Remus could feel his composure slipping as the familiar fear of being discovered washed over him. “Is that what you lot’ve been fighting about?” Lily was out of bed, furious. “Have those abominations threatened you? Because I will hex them into oblivion if they’ve so much as –“

Lily paused, her eyes carefully assessing the mute denial Remus was frantically signaling. “Of course they haven’t,” Lily sighed, tucking her legs back into her blanket. “They know they’d be lost without you.”

Remus badly wanted to interrupt and to tell her that it was in fact he who needed them, but he was having difficulty formulating coherent thoughts. He wiped his eyes, the exhaustion finally seeping into his body.

“You needn’t tell me what you’re fighting about, but - Remus,” here, Lily finally hesitated. “They’re your family, aren’t they?”

The answer was written on Remus’ face, plain as day.

“Then you shouldn’t waste time fighting. No one gets enough time with the people they love, and,” she stopped as though she was trying to collect the right words. “All I’m saying is sort things out, all right?”

“It’s not that simple,” Remus began awkwardly. It was hard to find his bearings when there was so much to sort through. “I can’t just – they’re not – I don’t know how.”

“The hell it isn’t,” said Lily, her voice fierce. “And the hell you don’t. The Remus I know doesn’t moon about, waiting for things to happen. I want that Remus back, not the quiet, listless shell you’re becoming. And if they’re what you need, get them back.”

Lily suddenly snorted, her face easing into an exasperated expression. “Is that why those dolts call you Moony?”

“…I never said they were original.”

“Or clever, from the sounds of it.”

Remus could feel some of the tension easing. Lily was watching him closely, a thoughtful smile on her face.

“I think it’s high time you stopped punishing yourself and sorted things out.”

He was punishing himself, but it was no less than he deserved. He thought, wryly, that Lily would not respond well to what was going through his head, so he opted for something safer. “I – I’ll think about, okay? It’s just not as easy as it sounds.”

“It isn’t nearly as difficult either.”

They both lapsed into contemplative silence. It was hours later that Remus began to wonder what it was that had made Lily feel like she was fighting not just the most powerful prejudice of the wizarding world, but time itself.


	3. Chapter 3

“Er…Hippogriff Wings?”

Lily giggled at the incredulity on Remus’ face as the gargoyles parted, springing up the staircase. Remus traipsed behind her, shaking his head in disbelief. The number of times he and the boys had examined this corridor searching in vain for Dumbledore’s office, only for it to be concealed by these gremlins. Remus tucked the password and exact location in his mind, secretly thrilled that he had  been the one to discover the final piece of the Map. 

They were a bit out of breath when they reached the top of the tower, still not fully recovered from the incidents of the previous night. Lily tentatively knocked on the door, which slowly opened to reveal a large, beautiful space. Remus drank in the details of the room, from the corner on which the Sorting Hat was perched, to the mahogany desk behind which Dumbledore was seated. 

“It’s good to see the two of you up and about. Please sit down,” said Dumbledore, gesturing to the seats in front of him. 

“As I’m sure Professor Flitwick informed you, I wished to hear about the events of last night from the two of you directly,” Dumbledore said quietly. “If it were possible, I would have put this off until you had had more time to recover. But I believe it would be best to handle this at the earliest hour.” 

Remus nodded in agreement. He wanted badly to hear what punishment Dumbledore had in store for the Slytherins. Lily took the lead, with Remus supplying details where Lily skipped over them, clearly impatient to relay to Dumbledore the more important parts of what had unfolded. Dumbledore listened attentively until they had finished.

“Have there been any other such incidents?”

Lily and Remus exchanged a glance. 

“There’s been….incidents all year, Sir,” began Remus hesitantly, certain Dumbledore had already heard of them. “A lot of Muggleborns have been threatened by some of the older students. They’ve even been hexed on their way to classes.”

“This is going to make things worse,” said Lily, her voice tinged with frustration. “If they’re allowed back, we’re going to be more scared than ever. How exactly will you punish them?”

At Lily’s accusing tone, Remus started, sure that she had crossed a line. But Dumbledore merely surveyed her over his glasses. Lily’s glare subsided. She crossed her arms across her chest, settling back in her chair. 

“I do not wish to deprive any student of the education and the safety that Hogwarts has to offer, particularly because their scope of damage could increase dramatically if that were to happen. It is not ideal, but given the circumstances, I will be suspending the students in question for two weeks.”

Remus felt a jolt of discomfort -Avery would laugh off a two week suspension. Lily evidently agreed, for she exclaimed. 

“They should be expelled! What they did to Dave shouldn’t be met with a slap on the wrist!”

“I admire your passion, Ms. Evans. I understand that this is frustrating. But I’ve considered the situation carefully,” said Dumbledore, “and this is my final decision.” 

At the obstinate look on Lily’s face, he continued gently. “I would have thought you could appreciate the need for second chances.”

Lily’s face coloured. Remus looked at her curiously, suddenly feeling as though he were intruding. A moment later, Lily’s face cleared, and in a voice of forced calm, she asked, “Was there anything else, Headmaster?”

“As a matter of fact, Mr. Lupin, there is. I wanted to ask the two of you to discuss measures that can be taken to make the students feel safer at Hogwarts. Under normal circumstances, I would assign this responsibility to the Head Boy and Head Girl, but I’m afraid they have a lot on their plates for the moment. Would that be something the two of you are interested in?”

Remus nodded slowly. Lily was more enthusiastic and she began to rattle off questions about the resources and students that could be recruited for their efforts. Remus couldn’t help but think that Dumbledore still seemed distracted, even though he never looked away from Lily while she spoke and answered in precisely the right words. But then, a war was likely distracting for its generals. It was a small wonder that he still had time to spare for them.

“Was there something else, Mr. Lupin?”

Remus jumped, realizing Lily was already on her feet. “No, Sir.”

“Then I trust I’ll see you at dinner,” said Dumbledore, standing up with a sweep of his robes. “Ms. Evans, Mr. Lupin, my door is always open. I must be going now; Alas, even Headmasters aren’t exempt from the calls of nature.”

Lily turned pink. Remus could feel the grin on his face as Lily quickly dragged him out of the room. 

Remus was greeted with an empty dorm room. He felt the swooping disappointment in his stomach, coupled with dread. Had his friends decided they were better off without him? He anxiously began to run over his past few interactions with them, but strain as he might, he could think of nothing that may have triggered his expulsion. Miserable, he climbed into bed, tossing and turning until sleep finally overcame him. 

“Remus? Oh, Re-e-e-ee-mus?”

Remus let out a muffled groan. He had just fallen asleep.

“Did you catch that, Pete? I didn’t, not one word of it, no.”

James was practically yelling. Remus clutched his pillow, unwilling to open his eyes.

“We can’t have that, now can we Pete? What do you say we help our darling Prefect get back on his feet?”

Peter stifled a giggle, but Remus could practically hear him vibrating from excitement. A splurge of cold water hit Remus on the face, so that he emerged, spluttering and indignant, to glare at an extremely pleased James. James grinned even more widely.

“Aw, you have to admit, that was pretty impressive.”

“It would’ve been more impressive if we were still in third year,” snorted Remus, “and needed water to put out one of Pete’s fires.”

Peter let out a squawk of protest. “Those fires were plenty handy when the Ravenclaws decided to set the chairs on us.”

“That was brilliant,” said James, clasping Peter on his shoulder. “But we have something even more brilliant to talk about. Remus John Lupin, have you been hexing Slytherins without us?”

Remus looked at James’ earnest face, unable to prevent the pride from spreading across his face. James whooped, jumping on the bed and pulling Remus up. 

“I knew the tales of your valour weren’t without merit. Tell us about how you slayed the Snakes of Slytherin. Spare no detail!”

With a whoop, Peter leaped on the bed as well, so that Remus had to grab James to stop him from falling off the bed. James threw a reproachful look at Peter, who had already begun to pant, and flopped down on the bed.

“So?”

Remus looked at him questioningly. Impatient, James tugged at the sleeve of Peter’s robes, making the boy jump.

“Are you going to tell us what happened?” 

James had clearly just finished Quidditch practice, for his hair and face were more disheveled than usual, making him look a bit deranged as he started to shovel the chocolate Peter had pulled out from under the bed. Remus started his story from when he and Lily had finished patrolling. By the time he finished, he desperately needed a glass of water, preferably with some chocolate on the side.

James’ face was almost thoughtful, a sight that Remus couldn’t but feel alarmed by. He had not been interrupted by either of the two boys seated in front of him. James had appeared contemplative and Peter looked guilty, realized Remus with a frown, almost as if the two had done something that they didn’t quite want to admit to.

“Where were you two last night?” asked Remus sharply.

James and Peter pointedly looked away from one another. Peter’s face was a perfectly innocent blank but James seemed put off by the question. 

“Sorry we didn’t come visit, mate. Meant to, but Matey got the best of us. Finally put up those Marauder repellents she’s been threatening us with,” said James airily. 

The false cheery tone did nothing to placate Remus, who simply glared.

“Potter,” growled Remus. “Tell me what you did.”

James had retreated to the edge of the bed. Peter’s face was still a careful blank, so Remus ignored him, focusing on James’ quickly crumbling resolve.

“Fine, fine, okay. Yes. We heard what happened yesterday and,” James broke off, looking desperately at Peter for an escape. Peter’s eyes, however, were fixed on Remus’ pillows. “We went after the Slytherins, okay? To get them back for what happened to you lot but –

James broke off again at the murderous look in Remus’ eyes. 

“You went after them even after what happened last time?”

Peter finally forced his gaze back to Remus. “It wasn’t like that, we – 

Remus rounded on him. “Then what was it like, Peter? Because it sounds exactly like the two of you went and did the one thing I asked you not to do. I asked for one thing, one thing,” said Remus, hands pulling at his own hair and his voice aghast.

Sensing Remus’ lapse in speech wouldn’t last for long, James hastily burst out “Wewenttogethembackandwe’d’vemadethemsorrybutSiriusmadeusstop!”

This gave Remus pause. “Sirius stopped you?”

The two boys nodded.

“Sirius stepped in to stop you from cursing a bunch of Slytherins?”

More nods.

Remus exhaled, falling back into his bed. Since when did Sirius stop a fight?

“He said you’d be mad if we went ahead with it. Made us walk around the castle all night until we promised we wouldn’t do a thing without running it by you.”

There was a definite sulky tone in Peter’s voice, which Remus chose to ignore. There was something else he needed to clarify.

“That’s why you didn’t come visit me?”

“We did come visit,” said James, clearly pleased that Remus had simmered down. “But you were asleep by then and we didn’t want to wake you. Heroes deserve their rest, you know.”

Remus allowed himself to return James' smile and the tension flooded out of the room as rapidly as it had enveloped it. Remus didn’t want to talk about this anymore; he could feel the beginnings of a headache.

“So,” said Remus, helping himself to a Chocolate Frog. “Does anyone want to know where Dumbledore’s office is?”

With a loud roar, James and Peter jumped on Remus, who shrieked, unable to answer as the other two hit him repeatedly, demanding information. Remus dispelled the misgivings about his decision on Sirius’ position in his life, knowing that he would have plenty of time to think about it later.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Remus was late to Transfiguration. Cursing under his breath, he weaved through the crowd of bobbing second years on their way to class, dodging a small shape that was obstinately placed in his path. A hand grabbed the sleeve of his robes.

“Aren’t you a prefect?” 

Remus looked down, examining the source of the ire. “Vance, isn’t it?”

The girl scowled. “It’s Vance for Prefects who do their job. You all know perfectly well you’re to meet us outside the Great Hall promptly.” She jabbed an accusing finger at him. “Where’s our Prefect?”

“What should I call you then?” asked Remus, bemused. He slung his back off his back and began to dig through it, searching for the chart he and Lily had drawn up two weeks ago for Prefects. 

“Unless you walk us to Divination, you’re going to find it a whole lot harder to call anyone anything,” she glared. “I’ve been late to one class already today and I’m not spending another night scrubbing  out pots for Filch.”

The Divination tower was all the way across the castle and Remus was in no mood for the walk. A cursory glance at the schedule he and Lily had split between the five people who had volunteered for extra patrol informed him that it was, in fact, his turn to accompany the second years. Between pranks, Prefect duties, and the impending exams, he had completely forgotten to add this to the calendar he had charmed to appear on the cover of all his books. 

“Let’s get going then, shall we?”

The girl harrumphed, saying as she did so to the impatiently waiting first years, “You heard him, let’s get moving.”

She threw Remus one last nasty look before moving ahead to join some similarly sized kids at the front of the room. Remus moved to the side to let the tight circle scuttle in front of him, surreptitiously pulling out the map. Apart from Crabbe, their path seemed clear. Even so, he cast a hasty Shield Charm and wearily followed them to the top of the North Tower.

A small, soft voice interrupted his thoughts. “What’d you do?”

“Sorry?”

“You cast a spell, I think? It’s suddenly a bit heavier and warmer, almost like, well,” the boy coloured under Remus’ inquiring look. “It’s different, ‘s’all.”

“Oh, uh, I placed a Shield Charm on everyone. I’m afraid it’s not very strong, but that can’t be helped when it’s a group this size that’s also moving.”

“It feels strong,” the boy said more loudly, encouraged. “Like it’d hold back something nasty.”

“This one would only deflect a few jinxes, but a standard Shield could, yeah,” replied Remus, amused.

“Do you think you could-,” the boy hesitated, torn. “Could you teach me how to do it myself?”

Remus gave him an appraising look. The boy’s assessment of the shift caused by the spell had taken him aback already – Remus had thought for the longest time that he was the only one who perceived the physical changes associated with various spells, that it was one of the very few perks of being a werewolf. This was conclusive proof that magic wasn’t nearly as nondescript or as well understood as wizards liked to think.

“Allright, then. What do you say we go over the theory today and we work our way up?”

Grinning from ear to ear, the boy nodded eagerly. By the time they reached the Divination classroom, Remus had had to raise his voice to satiate the inquisitive ears that had clustered close to him. Even the angry girl from earlier seemed to have forgiven him, for she deigned to move closer, even nodding along at some of the trickier bits. Slowing his pace until he was satisfied they had an elemental understanding of the theory, Remus gave them a quick wave as they all piled into the classroom. Outside it, Sirius leaned against the door, his eyes following Remus.

“You babysit for free?” asked Sirius, dryly.

Remus didn’t really know what to do with his hands anymore. “Prefect duty and all, y’know,” he said, waving his hands helplessly. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”

Sirius shrugged, as if to say it didn’t really matter or he didn’t really know. 

“I saw you weren’t in class and James said you wanted to talk.”

Remus’ neck was suddenly burning. He took a deep, calming breath. It was far too late to barge into Transfiguration without disrupting the lesson anyway.

“Let’s go for a walk?”

The two walked towards the grounds in companionable silence. Remus started towards the spot they would usually go to, before The Prank. Sirius hesitated for a second, his graceful walk stilled as he took in where they were headed. Without a word, he followed Remus and they both sat down. Remus pulled out the pastries he had in his bag, passing them to Sirius. For several moments, the two looked out at the Forbidden Forest, munching.

“So,” began Remus. He stopped immediately, lost. This was an impossible conversation to have. They should just head back to the dorm and he could try again in another two weeks, after they had their exams.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” said Sirius, his voice stiff. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’ll make myself scarce and you won’t ever need to look at me. I’ll still talk to James because that idiot won’t listen when I tell him not to, but I’ll make sure we only talk when you lot are done, all right?”

Remus gaped at him, nonplussed. Sirius seemed to have lost his ability to look Remus in the eye. 

“I messed up, all right? You don’t have to just sit there and feel bad because I screwed everything up! I didn’t think about what I was doing, Moony, not for a second. I’m a screw up and you can’t beat yourself up about it.” Sirius was stricken, his face turned away from Remus. 

Unable to bear it for another second, Remus practically shouted, “It’s not that, not in the slightest. Sirius – Pads – why’d you stop them from attacking the Slytherins?” 

The words were out of his mouth before he could clamp down on them.

Sirius looked up, surprised. “That’s what you want to know?”

Remus nodded in affirmation. Sirius got up and started to pace, six steps to the right, seven steps to the left.

“Should I not have stopped them? I swear, Moo- Remus – I thought you wouldn’t want them to get in another scuffle. Not so soon after –

Sirius’ throat had seized up, and he broke off wildly. Remus shot up, grabbing both of Sirius’s hands, which were twisting the skin on the back of his hands.

“Thank you.”

Sirius gaped at him, shocked into stillness. Remus held onto his hands, trying to communicate what he couldn’t find the words for.

“I’m sorry,” said Sirius quietly.

“I know,” returned Remus. “I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“You mean it?” 

Sirius’ eyes were so earnest it hurt. Remus wanted to hit himself for having avoided this for so long.

“I do.”

Sirius’s face broke out into a smile. Remus realized that he hadn’t seen this particular smile in a long while, and he hoped ardently that Sirius would never go so long without it ever again. 

“Let’s go tell those twats then. James just might cancel practice for this.”

Sirius grinned, ecstatic, quickening his pace. As they approached the Common Room, Sirius asked, his voice low, “Are we really okay?”

There were a lot of things Remus could have said in that moment, but none would have done justice to the happiness threatening to elevate him five feet off the ground.

“Never better, Pads. Never better.”


	4. Chapter 4

There was no time to celebrate Remus and Sirius’ reconciliation, for exams were nearly upon the Marauders. Day in and day out, the four could reliably be found toting books and bags full of notes to different corners of the castle.

In the mornings, James and Sirius would promptly be ejected from the common room by half of Gryffindor, who were driven to madness by Sirius’ mindless singing and James’ restless acrobatics. Remus’ relief would be short-lived: Between Peter and the despairing Gryffindors, he could hardly get through a page before he was harassed by someone for help with one thing or the other. Fed up, he, too, would gather his books and walk out, with decidedly more dignity than the two before him. Peter would follow him huffily, not wanting to be displaced but unwilling to be left on his own. A delighted Sirius and James would inevitably discover them soon after, the former summoning books and notes and making them sing along with his newest favourite song until once more, someone banished them all from ever entering the premise of one place or the other.

The first few exams passed in a blur. Remus was reasonably pleased with most of them. The Potions theory had fared miserably but his spirits were lifted immensely by the end of the Charms practical, where his Fire-Making spell had only been second to Lily’s. Defense Against the Dark Arts was next, so the four boys looped around to their room after the practical to collect their books, so that they  
could sit in the empty Quidditch pitch and enjoy the sun. To Remus’ surprise, nearly an entire hour flew by without any destruction, all four of them engrossed in their books.

“I can’t take it anymore!” said Sirius frantically, kicking James in his stomach. “I can’t do this anymore!”

“Oof!” groaned James, “I’ll slice off your hair and stuff you with it, you arse.”

“What’d you want to do?” asked Peter, putting away his book and brightening.

“Thank you for asking, Peter,” said Sirius, wounded. “You’re the last real friend I have left in this cold, dark world.”

Remus rolled his eyes. He had been having trouble focusing for the past ten minutes, but there was no reason for Sirius to know this. “Stuff it, Pads. Tell us what you’re going on about.”

“I’m talking, gents,” repeated Sirius solemnly. “About doing something.”

“We’ll need a bit more than that,” said Remus drily.

Sirius shot him a nasty look. Remus knew full well that Sirius that all the studying was driving Sirius up the wall, but it felt so natural to rile Sirius up now that they had made up that Remus could hardly resist.

“I could use a laugh,” said James dreamily. “Think of all the brave witches and wizards risking their lives so we can have a future.”

“I hate to break it to you, but this could hardly be what they had in mind,” said Remus.

“I don’t know about that, mate. When I’m out there, I’d want to know things were normal somewhere,” said Sirius, his voice soft and appeasing. “And what’s more normal than a few kids having some harmless fun?”

Remus snorted. Even Peter couldn’t hold back a laugh at the wide-eyed innocence Sirius was trying to project.

“No one understands me,” sighed Sirius, flicking his hair out of his face. “It is a cruel thing, to be so young and so alone.”

“Shut up, you prat. We’ll find you something to do,” said James, rolling his eyes.

“I have a thought,” began Peter.

“There’s a shock,” interrupted Sirius.

“Shut up, Pads!” exclaimed James and Remus at the same time. Sirius flopped down next to the three of them, shaking his head in mock distress.

Peter cleared his throat, excited. “You know how I have Divination with the Slytherins this term? Well, it’s been revolting. Crabbe’s been clipping his toenails and then charming them to fly into tea cups when Provlepsi’s back is turned. Dearborn actually drank his and wouldn’t stop yapping about how it was his most accurate Gazing! I didn’t think it could get worse but –

“Get on with it, Pete,” said James, impatient and tugging at Remus’s books. Remus slapped his hand automatically.

“Right,” said Peter, colouring. “I thought it was suspicious that the Slytherins were suddenly being unusually quiet. No messing with anyone? I noticed because I’d been keeping an eye out, y’know? Couldn’t make any sense of it,” Noticing the irritated look on Sirius’s face, he hurried on. “They’ve been forcing firsties to drink Polyjuice and take their place in classes, while they sneak off for some meeting near the Great Hall. All the purebloods go there every week. Even Regul –

Peter broke off, looking at Sirius guiltily.

“They’ve been arranging a pureblood congregation at Hogwarts?” James demanded, outraged. “Under Dumbledore’s nose? Why didn’t you tell us before?”

“James,” muttered Remus, shooting a meaningful look at Sirius, who was having trouble composing himself.

“That insufferable, spineless idiot,” breathed Sirius, his voice tight. “The Cruciatus is too good for the lot of them.”

Remus felt a familiar knot in his stomach, the one that accompanied any allusions to what was happening outside of Hogwarts. Most days, it was easy to pretend the most concerning thing was OWLs; the war felt like a distant nightmare, held back by Hogwarts’ secure walls. James put a protective hand on Sirius’ shoulder, sitting down next to him. A silent look passed between the two. Remus looked away, feeling horribly as though he was trespassing. A moment later, Sirius’ shoulders relaxed.

“If you ask me, this is prime prank territory,” said James in a light voice. “All those arrogant plonks in one place.”

“Excellent opportunity to teach them a little lesson,” agreed Sirius.

James looked as though this was not what he had in mind, but he held his tongue. Remus, too, restrained himself. Regulus had become a sore point during Sirius and Remus’ temporary estrangement. Remus had not yet had time to prod Sirius into having this particular conversation with him, but he was quite irritated that Sirius had not mentioned this aspect of his life yet.

“We can Dungbomb them!” suggested Peter tentatively.

“Don’t be daft,” snapped Sirius. “We’ll need to think much bigger than that.”

“We can Dungbomb them…..twice?”

This lifted the spell. Sirius leaned over to muss up James’ hair, shrugging off his mood as he did so. James swatted his hand away, losing his balance and toppling over the stands. Sirius sprang back, excited and alert, watching James from a safe distance.

“Have you lot heard of Watergate?” asked Remus quietly.

The three turned to look at him, identical smirks on their faces.

Remus laughed quietly. “You tossers are in for a treat.”

It took another hour of wrangling before Remus explained his idea. James could scarcely sit still by the time he was done. Sirius slapped Remus on the back so hard Remus was sure he had bruised it.

“What would we do without you, Moony?” he said fondly.

“Let’s get on with it, what’re we waiting for?” asked James, knocking into Peter and Sirius before pulling Remus to his feet.

“No, not yet,” said Remus firmly. “We need to finish studying first. We’ll do this tomorrow.”

“No, Remus, no no no,” begged James. “We’ll study tomorrow. We’ll even quiz you. Right, Pads?”

Remus bit back a laugh as the two looked at him imploringly. “Tomorrow. Tonight, we need to study and then go talk to some firsties.”

Grumbling but resigned, the two sat back down. In no time at all, the four boys were once more absorbed in their books.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“So we’re the Fixers,” said Sirius, excited.

“The Plumbers. And no, the Slytherins are the Plumbers. We’re not anyone,” said Remus patiently.

“But CREEP is like the Death Eaters. So it’s really them that’s the Plumbs. The Slytherins are like baby-Plumbs. Muggles have the daftest problems,” marveled Sirius.

“Plumbers,” corrected Remus. “And you’re missing the point.”

“Yeah, yeah. We’re going to thread their meetings.”

“Wiretap,” corrected James, smug. “Pete, did you get the Polyjuice from the room? I’ve been working on it all morning.”

Peter nodded, excited beyond words as he handed the bottle over to James.

“Excellent,” said James briskly. “Let’s get a move on, Remus.”

They had all agreed that it would be best to keep Sirius as far away from the meeting as possible. Sirius had still not brought up Regulus to him but Remus was no longer annoyed, having decided patience would serve him best in this situation. Remus had spent most of his time reflecting on the troubling information Peter had shared. He could not shake the feeling that the attacks that had been orchestrated in the past year were more organized than he had anticipated. The measures he and Lily had taken felt all the more inadequate now that they were up against more than the thoughtless  
cruelty of bored teenagers. Everyone else seemed happy to ignore the problem, Remus thought bitterly, as if looking the other way would make the war disappear. Only two people had bothered to volunteer to help them with extra patrols.

Remus hadn’t cleared his head when James threw the Invisibility Cloak over the two of them. The two hurriedly made their way to the classroom Peter had shown them. Remus had to bend his knees so that the Cloak didn’t slip off, but it was still cramped. He was immensely relieved when they reached the room. Immediately, Remus began to mutter spells while James drifted around the classroom, vaguely examining it.

“Can we get started now?” demanded James impatiently.

Remus nodded, daydreaming about Nott being hung up with the owls in the Owlery, and the two boys began to work.

Remus broke the silence a few minutes later. “I’d say we’re about ready?”

James nodded briefly, then proceeded to rearrange the cakes and drinks Remus had set up around the room. Remus tested the spells once more to make sure they every inch of it. When he turned around, he had to suppress a laugh. The room had been set up as if for a sophisticated, middle-aged witches’ dinner party.

“What? No reason to be sloppy about the décor,” said James defensively.

“None at all,” smiled Remus fondly.

They froze at the sound of approaching footsteps. Wordlessly, both boys squeezed under the cloak even as the door was thrown open.

“It looks as though Crabbe is attempting to make up for his misdeeds,” sneered Macnair, sweeping a disgusted look around the room.

“It’ll take a bit more than some cakes for him to regain favour,” said Avery, deepening his voice importantly.

More people were trickling in behind the two already, grabbing food and chairs and nodding cool greetings at each other. There were fewer people than Peter had said there would be, but that was to be expected, thought Remus. After all, not everyone could give up the precious few hours they had left before the next Owl. Severus and Nott had made it, surprisingly, even though Nott had supposedly been locked in his dorm and prepping for the NEWTs for the past week. A thrill ran through Remus’ body as he considered, for the first time, what would happen when everyone heard this group discuss their unfiltered thoughts. They wouldn’t possibly be able to turn a blind eye then.

The small group of boys gathered in a small circle and conversation ensued. James made a fake gagging sound as the loud conversation picked up pace, crass slurs casually tossing around, forcing Remus to step on his toes.

“Are you sure you didn’t mess it up?” breathed Remus, after nearly half an hour had passed. There was no way to know if the first part of their plan had been a success, but this was something they should  
be able to see.

“Merlin himself couldn’t have done better.”

Remus fought the urge to step on James’ toes again.

“Look!” whispered James.

Remus looked. The boys had all begun to shift uncomfortably in their seats. One by one, their expressions shifted to sheer horror and embarrassment as their house-mates began to change, shrinking  
and changing in form.

“What in Salazar’s name,” growled Nott at the group of cowering girls surrounding him. Remus fought back a laugh when, at the sound of his high-pitched voice, comprehension transformed his outrage into mortification. Nott looked down at his jutting chest and a loud, unmanly shriek escaped his throat.

Pandemonium commenced. The Slytherins sprang apart, unable to contain their rage or their robes, as they scrambled to pull clothes over their shapely forms. They thundered towards the door just as it snapped open with a sharp sound.

“What is the meaning of this?”

At the sight of McGonagall, the boys – girls – stopped short. Professor McGonagall was momentarily stunned at the sight of the ten identical women she was greeted by.

“Potter did this,” said one of the girls in a mutinous voice.

“Snape,” whispered James gleefully.

Remus pinched him as hard as he could, feeling the woeful slump in James’ shoulders.

“I do not see Mr. Potter here. What I do see,” said McGonagall, her voice dropping, “is ten students out after hours engaging in the most despicable discourse I have had to endure in my time at Hogwarts.”  
Remus could have sworn McGonagall’s eyes looked directly where he and James stood huddled. He shrunk back in trepidation.

“Professor, with all due respect, we’re the victims here. D’you think we’d want to be transformed into a,” the girl in the green robes looked at herself in disgust, “Into girls?”

“It is not my business what you do in your own time,” snapped Professor McGonagall. “You will all be reporting to Professor Dumbledore’s office to explain yourselves.”

“We haven’t done anything wrong,” protested one of the doppelgangers.

“You may be under the impression that it is acceptable to speak of other witches and wizards in such base language,” replied McGonagall, her voice low and angry. “But I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. Ten points each from Slytherin.”

“How’d she find out?” whispered one of the witches closest to James.

“You’re not our Head,” came a sulky voice, “Slughorn wouldn’t punish us without giving us the chance to defend ourselves.”

“I’ll be sure to ask him to greet you in the Headmaster’s office so we can discuss this further then. Ladies,” said Professor McGonagall, holding open the door. With a small wince, the Slytherins gathered their belongings and what was left of their dignity, and marched out.

\-----------------------------

“That was INCREDIBLE!” shouted James, the second the four boys gathered back in their room.

“It was excellent,” agreed Sirius, “You should’ve seen what everyone looked like when those wankers’ voices started echoing through the halls. They’re going to be lynched.”

“If they escape McGonagall. She was ready to skin them alive,” smiled Remus. It was nice to see Sirius’ in such high spirits again.

Sirius grinned, “Minny found them? Merlin, what I would’ve done to see the look on her face.”

“I wouldn’t,” said Peter with a shudder. “She looked downright terrifying when she flew by.”

“Pete here looked about ready to wet himself,” Sirius said, patting Peter on his head.

“I did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“I’d think you’d be interested to hear what  _ they  _ looked like when McGonagall walked in,” interrupted James, smiling ear to ear. “I don’t think I’ve seen her so confused.”

Sirius stuck his tongue out at Peter. “Ah, good old Minnie. What would she do without us?”

“Live a long, stress-free life,” said Peter in an innocent voice.

Sirius stuck his tongue out at him again.

“Will Dumbledore expel them?”

Remus scratched his head at James’ question. It was true that the things that he had heard were vile. It had made his skin crawl listening to them go on about blood purity and the obliteration of Muggle  kind as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And there was no way for them to deny it, not when the entire student body had been able to hear everything. But if Dumbledore had let students stay on even after they had attacked other students, what were the chances he would do anything now.

“Nah,” said Sirius, his shoulders pulling in as he drew his legs to his chest. “Drawing even more attention to Hogwarts isn’t going to do anyone any good. Dumbledore’s too smart for something like that.”

James looked upset, but did not correct Sirius. They all knew it was true.

“Reg wasn’t there.”

Remus froze, trying his hardest to sound casual. “Maybe he’s had a bit more time to think things through?”

Sirius was quiet, unwilling to make eye contact with any of them as he asked, in a small voice. “D’you really think so?”

Remus could not bear lying to Sirius about this. It was James who crouched down, forcing Sirius to look him in the face as he said, his face honest and earnest. “There’s no doubt your little brother will come around.”

Sirius couldn’t look at any of them. Instead, he busied himself with tidying the bed. Remus couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Sirius clean, and this was including the week after they’d homed a pixie and it had taken sadistic delight in leaving its droppings on Sirius’ bed.

“Let’s get some rest, lads,” said James, wrapping his arms around Remus and Peter. “We’ve got ten new witches to welcome to our halls tomorrow morning.”

The four burst out laughing. Remus vaguely considered pulling out his books for some revision, but discarded the idea as the day’s exhaustion caught up to him. There were still a couple of days until the exam. And, if he did say so himself, he wasn’t too bad as far as Defense against the Dark Arts was concerned.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Breakfast was excellent - and it wasn’t just the jam and crumpets. The crumpets did help, but nothing could top the sight of the miserable Slytherins creeping into the hall. James’ tinkering with the potion had been a success. At their entrance, whispers broke out. Several people wolf whistled, many shouting out insults. To Remus’ immense surprise, the girls did not retaliate. They glared at the Hall, but settled into chairs quickly, as if they were trying to avoid drawing attention to themselves.

“Aw, you won’t even say hello,” hooted Sirius as two of them hurried past the Gryffindor table.

“That’s no way to act,” agreed James, “Especially not for  _ ladies _ .”

The Gryffindors at the table tittered.

“Shut your mouth, Potter,” snarled one of the two girls, whipping around. “You’re going to pay for what you and your Mudblood pets have done.”

“Looks like it’s her time of the month,” tutted Sirius. “You know how it is James – no reasoning with any of them now.”

The girls coloured. One of them pulled out her wand, face contorted in rage. James and Sirius were already on their feet, their wands raised.

“That’ll be twenty points from Slytherin for foul language.”

Remus turned around and spotted Lily, calmly surveying the scene before her. From the corner of his eye, he saw Dumbledore make the briefest of gestures, causing Professor McGonagall and Slughorn to halt.

“I don’t need help from filth,” said the girl, her voice a strangled whisper.

Lily looked at her coolly. “Yeah, you clearly have a handle on things. I’d slither back to your table if I were you. Don’t think I’ll be able to hold back any of the  _ untalented, magical contaminations  _ you despise so much.”

With one last, angry look at the lot of them, the two girls turned on their heels and left.

“You have to strut like you mean it, doll,” shouted Sirius at their retreating backs.

Remus made a faint sound of admonishment but it was concealed by the laughter that broke out, the noise slowly replaced by the buzzing of whispers as everyone began to discuss the events of the last twenty-four hours. With faint satisfaction, Remus overheard the students angrily talking about the Slytherins’ conversation from the previous night .  Perhaps it wasn’t time to give up hope yet after all.


	5. Chapter 5

“James, I can’t take it anymore.”

“Could you, for  _ one  _ second, keep your trap shut?”

“James Jamesy James James, have mercy.”

“Sod it. I added too much Murtlap. What do you want, you gormless gnome?”

“Watch this,” whispered Sirius, pointing his wand at the Slytherins under the table.

Nothing happened.

“Fascinating,” said James sarcastically.

“Merlin hurl you in his dungeon of antlers.”

James snorted, not taking his eyes off the potion and muttering, “Some shrivelfig should fix this.”

“Times up!” chortled Slughorn from the front of the room, where he was seated with the invigilators. “Leave your potions with me before you head off.”

James was halfway down the room when a loud, crashing sound echoed across the room. He looked back, only to see a hunched Snape, his chair firmly glued to his backside.

“Now, now, m’boy. You really must watch what you’re sitting on,” chortled Slughorn.

Grinning, James deposited his potion at the desk and the two ran out of the dungeons.

“It’s over! I never have to see another book in my life!”

“I’d say that’s a bit optimistic,” said Remus, amused. He had followed the two out of the dungeons, hanging back to whisper a word of encouragement to a despairing Peter.

“Re-Moony!” exclaimed Sirius, lifting him off the ground.

“No, Sirius, down, put me  _ down!” _

“Aw, don’t be like that Moony. We just missed you,” said James, creeping closer to Remus so that he was flanked on both sides by the two of them.

“Don’t you dare.”

The two pounced, tickling him until he couldn’t breathe. Remus had surrendered the last of his composure by the time he wheezed out, “Plea-Help-Pee-te-Stop-

“Do you repent?”

“Repen – please –breathe –

Satisfied, the two drew back.

“We’ll need to do a bit more than make Remus cry today,” said James thoughtfully. “We’ve completed all our O.W.L.s without blowing up any of the exam rooms.”

“You blew up the Runes hall,” breathed Remus ruefully, trying to catch his breath.

“Oh yeahh, that was us. We didn’t burn the exams then.”

“That’s because McGonagall caught us,” reminded Sirius.

Both of them looked appropriately ashamed for a moment.

“Kitchens?” suggested Peter. The three of them jumped, surprised at his sudden appearance.

“Or we could go outside,” wheezed Remus, surprised no one had suggested it. “Perfect flying weather.”

“I don’t want to. I’d rather go to the kitchens. Food is all I have to live for,” sighed James dolefully.

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius. Ever since the unfortunate incident with Lily and Snape, James had been moping. They had only just managed to restrain him from bombarding Lily with demands that she explain what it was she had been thinking, attacking him when it was clearly ‘that git’ in the wrong. This had not stopped him from casting her wounded looks whenever she happened to cross his path, or from perpetually muttering to himself in a dejected voice.

“Let’s go then, I have a lesson with Pomfrey in an hour,” said Peter impatiently.

“You’re still doing that?” asked Sirius wonderingly.

“Where’d you think I went off to every Wednesday all year?” scowled Peter.

“Dunno,” said Sirius abashedly. “Your mum checks in a bit more than most.”

“Mrs. Potter sends James four owls a week!”

“Oi,” sniffed James. “I write back nearly every time.”

“Sirius writes back more often than you do,” said Remus, a sly grin on his face.

“I  _ do not. _ I just wanted some advice on how to take care of the little ones.”

“Sirius, mate, you know they’re not really your children?”

Sirius’ scowl deepened. Peter cast Remus a long suffering look over the two’s squabbling and, by mutual assent, they made their way to the kitchens.

That evening, as Remus scribbled in his notebook and nibbled at the cookies they had nicked, he thought that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy. Now that the weight of the exams had been lifted and the Marauders were back together, it was as though the fragments of his world had been put back where they belonged. His had always been a small world, made smaller by the stifling paranoia his parents had blanketed over him – paranoia that had eaten away at him when Sirius had betrayed his trust. Today, though, as he watched Sirius and Dorcas engaged in  _ one last match _ of chess, he could not help but think that his parents had lost sight of just how much the outside world had to offer once it had been invited in. And yet, it was as though vines of agitation coiled around him, holding him hostage in their unrelenting grip.

“You’re going to get frown lines before your time,” said James solemnly, flopping over the back of the couch so Remus could hear him over Dorcas’s yelling.

Remus snorted. “Perhaps I’m looking to expand my collection of scars.”

James rolled his eyes and clambered onto the couch. Remus hastily drew back his legs before James’ full weight could crush them, something that happened far too often. James shoved a package at  Remus.

“Mum sent fudge and says you’re to visit for no less than three weeks this summer.”

“Did you eat my fudge?” exclaimed Remus, examining the slits in the wrappings that James had attempted to conceal.

“I know, I know,” James ran his hands through his hair. “You’ll have to forgive me, Remus. My heart can’t take much more conflict after what happened with you-know-who.”

Remus gave him a grudging nod, still occupied with his own thoughts.

“Good man, Remus,” said James, awkwardly patting him on the shoulder. Remus nearly winced, his shoulders still sore from his last transformation. “So then why’ve you been moping?”

Remus shrugged, annoyed. Leave it to James to ask questions he shouldn’t.

“Are you worried about transforming at home?” James pressed, “We’re going to try and make arrangements for you to transform at my place at least once and Sirius has been harassing Pomfrey about  visiting you every moon.”

“It’s not that,” said Remus so softly James had to shove his head closer to him so he could hear better, “Maybe I’m just not ready to give up Hogwarts yet.”

“We’ve still got two good years!” exclaimed James indignantly, as though Remus had suggested they pack up their trunks and depart right then.

Even though Remus had said it as a distraction, he realized that it hit closer to home than expected. No longer willing to pursue this conversation either, he lapsed into silence. The Common Room was suddenly abnormally quiet; Remus glanced across the room- Sirius was no longer showing off and Dorcas was no longer yelling, which had to mean that their game was nearing completion. The two were scrutinizing the board, both their pieces sneering at the other’s’ and awaiting instructions.

“You’re a bad liar, Remus John Lupin. ‘fess up!”

Remus sighed. “You’re going to tell me I’m worrying too much.”

James crossed his arms and sat back on the couch, his face stubborn.

Remus briefly lamented the indignity of being cornered by James of all people, before giving in.

“It’s been a while since everyone heard the Slytherins,” began Remus abruptly. “It’s increasingly as though no matter what anyone does, we’re all willing to look the other way and  _ pretend _ . But things aren’t good, not in the slightest! Dave’s still having nightmares, the firsties can’t walk to class without being hexed, someone’s parents or sister or uncle dies nearly every day, and no one can even bother to talk about it!”

Remus shook his head in disbelief. He had promised himself that he would focus on how his life had improved and yet here he was.

“I’d look into Hearing Potions if I were you.”

Remus stopped short. Dorcas was glaring at him from across the room, where her chess pieces mourned her toppled king.

“If you ask me, all anyone’s been doing is talking about things,” scoffed Dorcas. “We need to  _ do  _ something and put an end to this madness. None of us seventh years are going to be content with a cushy job in the Ministry, not when there’s so much to be done.”

“I don’t understand. Everyone seems to clam up whenever I bring it up,” said Remus slowly, “or they say it’s not worth discussing.”

“Are you mad? They’re not going to talk to Black’s chums,” snorted Dorcas. “That’d be like signing up for a home visit from one of those monsters.”

Next to Remus, James had gone stiff, mirroring Sirius’ rigid posture. Even from across the room, Remus could see the flash of horror that twisted Sirius’ face before he was able to regain his composure. Dorcas must have sensed their trepidation, for she pushed her chair out wearily and ushered her chess pieces into their box.

“I know you’re a good sort,” she started kindly, “but your family’s not. Hell, my family’s not. Godric knows I’ve had my share of dark looks this past year, especially since I got Head Girl,” she shook her head, as if she were trying to dislodge a particularly bad memory. “Everyone’s scared they’ll be next. Talking about the wrong person or to the wrong person could get you or your family killed. You can’t blame them for being cautious.”

“Sirius is  _ not _ one of them. He hates his family!” shouted James, making Remus jump. “What sort of Gryffindors turn against their own?”

“The sort that can’t make head or tail of what’s happening – so all of them right now.”

James growled, enraged but unable to dispute what she was saying. Strangely enough, Sirius did not seem surprised by this information. He waited politely for Dorcas to finish speaking, “So what are you and your seventh years going to be doing if not taking those “cushy Ministry jobs”?”

Dorcas threw back her head and laughed. “You’ll know before you’re ready, trust me.”

“Go on Meadowes – are we fortifying?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” said Dorcas airily, “I was just commenting on the sorry state of our world.”

James huffed, unconvinced. He had calmed down now, his tone teasing. “Aw, you can tell us. We’ll be able to help a lot more than the idiots in your year.”

“Is Dumbledore perchance a part of this fortification?”

Dorcas’ face went hard. For the first time, Remus felt himself shiver.

“Be careful what you ask, Black,” she said through clenched teeth. “Anyone would think you want people to think you’re a spy.”

Sirius’ face darkened. Before he could retort, the sounds of shuffling footsteps and Peter’s eager face appeared in the common room.

“Hallo, I’ve been looking all over for you lot. The entire year’s outside – the squid and the merpeople are at it again!” Peter caught sight of Dorcas and coloured. “Wotcher Meadowes!”

Dorcas merely nodded, gathering her books and moving to exit through where Peter had just entered. The effect of her exit was lost somewhat as Peter tried to move out of the way, inadvertently blocking her and stepping on her foot. She winced, cast him an annoyed look, and disappeared.

Attempting to diffuse the awkwardness permeating the room, Remus asked Peter, “How was it?”

“I passed!” It could not have been more apparent that Peter had been bursting to say this out loud.

“That’s brilliant.” Remus almost winced at his less-than-congratulatory tone, for his mind was still on what Dorcas had nearly revealed. “Really, I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“Good job Pete!” said James, his voice warm.

“Yeah, good job!” repeated Sirius half-heartedly.

Their words still sounded hollow to Remus, but Peter was too excited to notice. His eyes scanned the three of them impatiently. When none of them asked the appropriate question, he trudged on as if their distraction was lost on him. “I had to regrow bones. It was a really tricky bit of magic, but Pomfrey said I did a marvelous job.”

The rare tone of pride made Remus smile. “So the final lesson went well then?”

Encouraged, Peter beamed, “I’d say! She wasn’t too happy Sirius didn’t show up, but she forgot all about him when Carrow managed to make the apparition’s insides turn out. Didn’t look like an accident if you ask me.”

Remus wished desperately that James or Sirius would step in. A look at the silent exchange the two were occupied in confirmed that it was unlikely. Remus couldn’t bear the thought of wiping away the enthusiastic expression on Peter’s face so he sat up on his couch and tried to pay attention to what Peter was saying, “D’you really think so?”

Peter needed no more invitation. He happily launched into the rumours that had been circulating about students in his Healing lessons, listing off their families and their connections with the Death Eaters. By the time he finished, the other two appeared to have concluded their conversation.

“Have any of them mentioned something about people fighting the Death Eaters?”

“Fighting the Death Eaters?” repeated Peter slowly. “No, nothing like that. Why? Is someone fighting them?”

“We would be, but Meadowes wouldn’t say where the troops ought to rally,” said Sirius amiably. “But that’s never stopped us from finding things out before. Gentlemen, the time has arrived for the Map to be completed.”

The other three cheered, the earlier worry slipping away. As they began to walk up the stairs to their room, Remus briefly reflected on how none of them had stopped to consider whether they wanted to know what it was Meadowes was alluding to.


	6. Chapter 6

“Alright gents, this is it!” exclaimed James excitedly, “We’re done!”

The other three peered at the parchment. James tapped on it importantly, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

Immediately, ink blossomed across the parchment. Peter’s spindly handwriting covered the page, labelling individual dots that were gliding in various corners. The four boys looked at each other in glee and astonishment.

“It’s brilliant!” breathed Remus in wonder.

“It’s precisely what we made it, and that’s better than brilliant,” said Sirius, “Just think of what we’ll be able to do with this.”

It was two mornings after their conversation with Dorcas, a day before they were due to leave for the summer. They had worked on the map all night. Sirius had been tasked with performing the spell that would allow the map to actively track people inside the castle. Despite his proficiency with Charms, it had taken every ounce of skill he had to cast this bit of magic. Years of disciplined teaching, courtesy of the Black family tutors, had instilled enough of a grasp of magic for Sirius to recognize that he would need to work through each individual aspect of the spell patiently before he was ready to cast it in one go, for there were many things to focus on, each more important than the other. Now here it was, proof that those lessons had accomplished the excellence they had set out to achieve.  _ Not,  _ thought Sirius disdainfully,  _ that he had really needed them. _

“Shall we nip down to the kitchens for some snacks?” asked Peter hopefully.

“It’s nearly breakfast, you poop. Just go down to the Hall!”

“But we need to do a test-run, you said so yourself!”

James nodded seriously, “You’re right. It’s never too early for some pudding.”

Sirius roared with laughter as Peter looked affronted. He knew Peter would have been more offended had he been the one to say it and wondered for the thousandth time what it was that made even James’ insults so innocuous. He could get away with his fair share of malfeasances but it had taken years of slippery language and all the easy charm he could muster to remain as unscathed as he did. Even so, outright insulting someone had never worked out for him.

“Once Peter’s gorged himself, I’ve got an idea for what we can do to the Slytherins,” Sirius announced. Sirius noted the hurt look on Peter’s face and had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Peter was going to need thicker skin if he were to make it in the world.

“We need to finish packing today,” reminded Remus. “We nearly missed the carriages last time because you couldn’t find your home-robes.”

“I’m not sorting through your drawers after what we found last time,” said James firmly, shuddering at the memories.

“Fine,” said Sirius sulkily. “Breakfast, then we pack, and it’s off to wreak a little chaos in the hallowed halls our ancestors walked in.”

“Sirius, mate, when you get all  _ lordy  _ it makes me want to hex you.”

“You know one hex and I learnt to block it in our first year,” scoffed Sirius. “You know  _ one  _ hex – we’re going to need to expand our arsenal if we’re serious about this.”

“There is but one Sirius amongst us and he refuses to speak plainly. Conceal not your intent, for it is deceitful and blaggardly as the lies that come from your foul mouth!”

Remus looked at them with mild exasperation. “So what is the plan?”

Sirius shook his head so his hair swept from side to side. He’d have to trim it down before he got home and the harpy decided to do it herself. “Let’s walk and talk at the same time, yes?”

Sirius’ plan was juvenile, but simple enough that he knew the others would help him as needed. He would never admit it, but Dorcas’ words had rankled. He had known that the rest of his year was naturally suspicious of him - for who wouldn’t be scared of the heir to the Black throne? - but he had thought he had earned enough trust that no one would truly believe he would have anything to do with the fanatics that had begun to terrorize the wizarding community. The thoughts had festered until the problem became his inaction. Naturally, Sirius would need to set things straight.

So he failed to mention a few key details about his plan. Sirius was sure the other three would be impressed, after they had time to recover from what he was really going to do. They were happy enough to hand over the three sleeping Nifflers they had smuggled to him, sure that they wouldn't do much more than cause a small spot of trouble with the Slytherin’s trunks. Sirius was relieved no one volunteered to accompany him - he wanted badly to do this on his own. Under the cloak, he tapped the Map smartly with his wand, scanning it as he made his way down to the Dungeons. It really was a wonderful bit of magic, thought Sirius admiringly.

Inside the Slytherin Common Room, Sirius took great care not to brush against any of the bustling students. Packed trunks waited for their owners as they gathered the last of their belongings and huddled together in small groups. Most of them still seemed to be in their rooms or outside, so it wasn’t difficult for Sirius to find a vacant corner. There, he closed his eyes and twiddled open the top of the vial of ink they still had left over from when they had started working on the Map. He would have roughly ten minutes before the words became visible to everyone else.

The other three were waiting for him outside the Entrance Hall. At the sight of him, they drew closer, confirming that he had, in fact, done the deed and harmed no Slytherins (or Nifflers) in the process.

“Course I did,” said Sirius, hardly able to keep still and offended they would doubt him.

They did not need to wait for long.

Barely ten minutes had passed when shouting was heard from the Dungeons. The four exchanged excited glances, edging away from the door so no one would think they were too close to the scene of the crime. Sirius felt as though his chest would literally explode if someone did not report on what he’d done soon. The noise was rising, not angry and accusatory as the other three had expected, but panicked and hushed, thousands of whispers being drawn in the same direction. The Entrance Hall was thrown open as dozens of Slytherins quickly attempted to put as much distance between themselves and what lay on the other side.

Professor Aurelius, the DADA instructor, swept past the waiting boys. He caught sight of them and drew back. His voice aggravated and suspicious, he said, “For your sakes, I hope none of you four had anything to do with this.”

“Do with what, Professor?” asked James, his eyes wide and innocent.

Aurelius threw him a dark look, and made to move past them when Sirius stepped in front of him. “We just want to know what the trouble’s all about, Professor.”

The other three exchanged worried glances. Sirius knew they were concerned that no one would buy into their innocence if he continued asking questions, but that didn’t matter to him. He was about to  make his grand reveal and it could not be encumbered by concerns as trivial as detention. Aurelius made to sidestep him, but Professor Slughorn entered the hall right at that moment, wiping his sweaty brow with the back of his hand.

“Now now, boys - what’s going on here, Aurelius? I’ve been hearing the most ludicrous tales from my students. Has someone been attacked?”

Aurelius pursed his lips, unwilling to answer. Students from other houses had gathered near them, nervous but curious. He seemed to resign himself to his fate as Slughorn made an impatient noise, beckoning him to speak up. In a tight voice that carried over the students clustered near him, Aurelius said “You’re all bound to hear of it soon enough, so I may as well allay the worst of the rumours by being upfront with you.  _ Someone _ or  _ someones  _ have seen fit to leave a note for the man believed responsible for many of the unfortunate deeds we’ve been reading about. It’s an irresponsible, impetuous act and the culprits will be found.”

“What did the note say, Professor?” asked Sirius, his voice almost breathless from anticipation. It was nearly his moment. The looks being cast his way were making him anxious, but he knew he had to see this through.

Aurelius looked at him directly, his eyes angry. Before he could speak, a steely voice announced from somewhere on Sirius’ left. “Death to Voldemort, freedom to us all.”

There was a collective intake of breath. Slughorn’s face went three shades paler than usual and he cast a strained look across the students in front of him. Sirius scowled, looking for the person who had spoken. He had wanted to announce what he had written himself and now some nobody had gone ahead and done it for him.

“Now now, it’s just a silly prank,” said Slughorn, though his words lacked conviction. “No sense in it at all. Just someone wanting to release some exam stress, wouldn’t you say Aurelius?”

“I would say no such thing,” snarled Aurelius, drawing away from Slughorn. “I’m going to report this to the Headmaster.”

With one final glower at the four of them, he turned on his heels and walked in the direction of the Great Hall, where the other professors were sure to be.

“It’s too bad,” said Slughorn, scratching his hair. “Awful note to end the year on. I’m sure your father will have a great deal to say about this, won't he, Barty m’boy?”

Barty looked as though the last thing he wanted to do was talk about his father. His dispassionate nod disappointed Slughorn, who made to follow Aurelius, still shaking his head.

“But Professor,” said Sirius, realizing all at once that the moment was about to pass by him, “Don’t you need to know who did it?”

Slughorn paused. He fixed Sirius with a more serious look than any he had seen on the professor’s pudgy face and said, “I’d say it’s best to let things stand as they are, Mr. Black. The year’s over and there’s not enough time to find who’s behind this.”

“I’m happy to sign my confession right here if you like, Professor,” said Sirius casually.

The reaction was less dramatic than he expected. Gasps and murmurs broke out across the hall. Next to him, James clasped his arm so tightly he was sure he had already left a permanent mark on his skin. Remus had been attempting to shepherd them out of the hall for the past minute to no avail and now stood frozen in shock. Sirius looked at them in annoyance - surely he deserved a bit more faith.

Slughorn grabbed Sirius’ other arm and began to drag both him and James down the hall. Sirius followed him easily enough, delighted at the apprehension with which he was being watched. This was miles better than the suspicion he had been acclimatizing to over the past few months. There was no way anyone would still lump him in with those bigots now. Behind them, Remus and Peter watched helplessly.

Sirius spotted Remus mouthing  _ We'll get the Nifflers  _ at their retreating backs _.  _ He nearly chuckled - of course Remus wanted to be sure the Nifflers were okay.

As Slughorn marched the two of them to where Dumbledore was sure to be waiting, James leaned close to Sirius’ ear and hissed, “What the blazes were you thinking, Sirius? Do you want to get expelled?”

“It was necessary,” replied Sirius, a bit sulky. He had thought James would understand.

“Mum’s going to have our brooms for this! You can’t just do every mad thing that comes to your head!”

“I will if it means everyone will stop thinking I’m one of  _ them _ .” said Sirius venomously.

James’ mouth snapped shut. He looked at him carefully, as though assessing the weight of his words. Sirius knew he had been in the right, but the way James was looking at him made him feel young and defensive. He wanted desperately for him to agree with him, to see things as he did. 

His eyes still smoldering, James nodded his head and the two of them quietly entered the Great Hall, where everyone stood waiting. Sirius straightened his back as Slughorn drew to a halt, prepared to accept any punishment Dumbledore could think of, for it would be a small price to pay to be free of the dark shadow of his family name. 


	7. Chapter 7

Walburga Black had always had a bit of a reputation. In his earlier years, Sirius would watch, impressed, as a room of fully grown adults would draw back in fear at her approach. Wizards and witches would tell him he was blessed to have such a strong mother, that he must have been touched by Merlin himself to be born to a family of such grace and power. Sirius would puff out his chest, convinced he was the luckiest boy in the galaxy.

He did not hear such praise in the latter half of his life. From the moment he stepped into Hogwarts, the Black name only elicited angry looks and disgust from his Housemates. He was an outsider in Gryffindor, a disgrace to Slytherin. The weak trembles in his hands when his mother had written to him after his Sorting had made James Potter, a boy from a family that had only been spoken of with contempt, look at him in pity and ask him if his mother was as awful as they said. He had drawn his wand close and willed himself to stay calm, the way his mother would when presented with a worthless adversary. All his life, Sirius had been showered with love – choosing Gryffindor had been little more than a dare he was too proud to turn down, egged on by Druella and her mad cackling about the soft Black heir. He had not thought his mother would think less of him for being placed in Gryffindor, for while it would never compare to Slytherin, what did what he did at Hogwarts matter in the larger scheme of the life he was destined to live?

It turned out that it mattered a great deal, for Sirius returned home for Christmas to a cold, unwelcoming house where his mother spoke to him less than his father did. After paying his respects to his grandparents, he went to his mother to ask her if she would like to review the presents he had selected for the family. She had looked right past him, avoiding his gaze. Had he not been the son she had always said had been ‘ _ moulded from her mind?’ _ When his voice creeped up a pitch higher than usual, he bowed his head, unwilling to give her more reason to call him weak. He stood there until his grandparents began to clear their throats and his father looked up from his book at the scene before him.

“It is unseemly to act out in the presence of your elders,” chided his father, even as Sirius’ blood froze at the sound of his chilly voice.

“Disgrace seems to be your son’s principle devotion,” replied his mother, her voice indifferent.

Sirius couldn’t bear listening to his mother refer to him as Orion’s son _.  _ He walked out of the room, legs stiff from having held his ground for so long. Regulus timidly followed him all the way upstairs to his room, until Sirius slammed the door in his face, as hard as he possibly could.

Sirius had never thought Walburga Black could ever hurt him as she had done that day, for he had carefully built walls around his heart and his mind to keep her from ever stepping back where she had once been worshipped. And yet, five years later, she had him on his knees, agonized and debased like never before.

“You shame me,” said his mother, her voice hard. “You shame me as no Black has shamed his family before you.”

“It’s likely all the incest didn’t leave much room for thought, Mother,” said Sirius, proud that his voice didn’t shake even as his insides clenched with fear.

“It appears I have neglected my duties as your mother,” said his mother thoughtfully, ignoring Sirius. “I believe it’s time we educated you on what it means to bear the mantle of the Black family.”

“Was it not all,” Sirius broke off, panting with strain as the pressure on his legs built up. “jerking off to the Sacred Twenty-Eight and reciting  _ Tojours Pur  _ before bed?”

“You will not utter such obscenities in front of your mother!”

Sirius was certain he was going to lose both his legs. He could hardly feel one of them now, but sheer stubbornness and logic forced him to hold his head as high as he could, given the circumstances. After all, the Black heir could not be a Gryffindor and a cripple.  _ That’s rather witty,  _ thought Sirius,  _ I should say that to the old hag. _

His words did not become sound. Enraged, he looked at her, willing his hatred to strike her down. She remained standing, to his never ceasing disappointment, tall and aloof.

“Your voice is mine until you are better versed in the ways of our family.”

And so it was, for Sirius spent a fortnight desperately holding out against the insults and the pain, until his father intervened.

“You do not silence a Black like a common mule. Blacks do not answer to punishment – they need to see the consequences of their decisions and then choose for themselves.”

Sirius felt a chill run down his spine as his father fully directed his attention toward him.

“Vassal.”

The aged House Elf appeared with a  _ Crack,  _ bowing low before his father and his mother and Regulus before sinking into a disdainful bow before Sirius. Behind his parents, Sirius could make out the beginnings of dread on Regulus’ face. Sirius didn’t believe his parents would torture an Elf, especially one who had played an important part in raising his father.

It turned out that Orion, too, couldn’t fathom torturing an Elf. Instead, he flicked his wand and severed its head. A scream tore through Sirius’ throat, the first sound he had made in the longest while as the head bounced across the room. Regulus stood unmoving, grief quickly masked by the calm exterior he had inherited from their father.  _ The son moulded from his shadows,  _ thought Sirius bitterly, not for the first time.

In the quiet, Orion’s voice was clear and deadly, “It appears you can fight off a simple spell when you’re adequately motivated. Next time, it will be one of your precious Mudbloods.”

Sirius knew Orion meant what he said. He stood up, calm as death, and waited for further instructions. Satisfied that no rebelliousness coated his son’s ensemble, Orion dismissed the two boys. Sirius could see Regulus’ rage and he wanted badly to reach out and apologize, to tell him he too, felt the loss of the Elf, if not as much as his younger brother did. But the words died on his lips as Regulus shoved past him, snarling as he did so, “You’re no better than the rest of them.”

Later that night, Sirius snuck across his room and into Regulus’, the first time in nearly two years that he had wanted to do so. His brother lay awake and unmoving on the bed, his room the same as it had always been.  _ I’m sorry,  _ Sirius wanted to say, for he was sorry about having disappointed him yet again. But the words would not come and he perched at the edge of Regulus’ bed until slowly, the two began to whisper the way they did when they were still children.

Regulus wasn’t so bad, really. He was no longer the kid brother Sirius had teased and pranked, and he was every bit as witty as Sirius remembered. Forced to retreat, Sirius found great comfort in the dry humour that now accompanied him through endless dinners and gatherings. He held his three extra inches of height over Regulus, who in turn held his O in Defense against the Dark Arts against him; though Sirius had scoffed, he had been secretly delighted, for it seemed he had rediscovered the bond he had once thought well and truly lost to him.

His education continued alongside this, for Walburga was convinced she could wrangle the Gryffindor out of him. She dispatched him to family balls and galas, demanding he recite to her the repertoire of spells and achievements that belonged to the Black family. The spells were of particular interest to him, for he had not been allowed near them as a child. He learnt that wizards – those with enough money – could withhold spells and charms from the rest of wizardkind on the pretext of their being their own fundamental concoctions. These were wizards who argued that spells emerged from the magic of a wizard and were a fundamental part of him, rather like hands or feet, and were thus his to do with as he wished. It appeared that many Wizengamots had upheld this interpretation, causing a repertoire of spells to be lost to the Galleons that only a handful of families could afford. Sirius memorized all these spells, appeasing his mother and storing information he could not help but think would be valuable to him someday.

He did wish that he could owl his friends, but the mere mention of Hogwarts was enough to make his mother’s eyes glint. Sirius fought the urge to send Axl off anyway, reminding himself of the dogs he had been caring for since he was old enough to walk. They had been his pride and joy, for he had undertaken their upbringing all on his own - his first taste of independence. His uncle had gifted them to him; this was the first present he had received that had made him truly ecstatic. Back then, his parents had been unable to resist the imploring look he had given them, his dark eyes filled with hope as he looked at them. The dogs were often the only family member he looked forward to greeting when he was back from Hogwarts, and often the only ones delighted at his arrival. For nearly a month, he held his tongue.

But then his mother sent him off to Narcissa’s homecoming and the peace they had all been fighting to keep hold of finally imploded.

It happened when Bellatrix strode up to him. Regulus, contrary to his promises, was all the way across the room. Sirius steeled himself for a painful exchange.

“Cousin, I didn’t know you’d be gracing our halls today,” she said, her voice silky.

Bellatrix was as striking as ever, her dark tresses carefully piled at the back of her head. She had the Black family profile, her bones sharp and structured. Sirius was repulsed by her.

“It seemed appropriate to greet Narcissa and Lucius, now that they were back,” responded Sirius stiffly.

“We all know how duty-bound you are, particularly where our inferiors are concerned,” said Bellatrix distastefully.

Sirius’ back was so straight it hurt. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said as carelessly as he could.

“I’m  _ sure.  _ It must have shattered your heart when you heard about the Muggles in Lincolnshire.”

“Now I really don’t know what you mean. I thought we were far too old and dignified for tall tales and half-truths,” said Sirius, trying to mimic her as best as he could.

It seemed to have worked, for her haughty demeanour vanished. It was, however, immediately replaced by a triumphant smile, which lit up Bellatrix’ face. “You haven’t  _ heard?” _

_ “ _ Say what you need to Bella, I’m afraid I can’t waste too much time corresponding with the least important branch in the family tree.”

“Tsk tsk,” said Bellatrix, her voice dripping with mock sorrow. “There were all those Muggles who didn’t make it out of the attack a few hours ago. My contacts in the Ministry are most prompt about informing me of such adventures. I would have thought you of all people would be by their side. I suppose there are no wizards of virtue anymore. It’s all just empty words and false promises.”

Sirius had stopped listening.  _ Lincolnshire.  _ If his geography was correct, and it couldn’t be anything but, that was right by Cokesworth and hadn’t Remus mentioned that that was right where that sniveling coward Snape lived, a stone’s throw away from - 

_ Evans. _

His head was both overfilled with thoughts and empty, he was somehow panicking and completely in control. He automatically began to walk towards Cissy’s room, ignoring Bella’s remonstrations. In the back of his mind, he acknowledged that his disobedience would be met with the worst punishment he had yet faced, but none of that mattered. The only thing he knew was that if something were to happen to Lily, it would damage James. There was nothing else to consider.

_ Cokeworth,  _ spoke Sirius into the fire.

With a roaring leap of the flames in Cissy’s fireplace, Sirius felt his whole being compress.  _ Perhaps you should have thought for a moment before jumping into the void _ , niggled a voice in his head, right as he disappeared into nothing.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

_ Cokeworth is not what I expected _ , thought Sirius, ruefully dusting himself off as he exited the empty house the fireplace had been connected to. It was much greener than he had anticipated, decked with trees and shrubs that were badly in need of a caretaker. The flowers were somehow thriving, spots of colour poking through the landscape. The houses were small, neat, and nearly identical. Looking at them, it sunk in that Sirius did not know which of these houses, if any, belonged to the ever-elusive Evans.

_ Good nickname, that. The Ever-Elusive Evans. Could be one of those superheroes James keeps prattling on about. _

For a moment, Sirius enjoyed letting his mind run free without fear of intervention. There were no curtains that needed to be drawn, no secrets to hold back – he was wholly himself, a sensation that he had lost somewhere in his dark, silent house. The image of a dejected Regulus swam before his closed eyes. Sirius took a deep breath. _Regulus will survive an evening without you._

_The first thing_ _is to figure out precisely where this attack took place. Bella’s an insufferable liar – she could just have been making everything up to get under your skin._

Sirius scowled at the thought. To make matters worse, there would hardly be a copy of  _ The Prophet _ or a Ministry man who was willing to divulge information to him walking around. Unbidden, his mother’s words crossed his mind: Magic always leaves a trace _. That’s how the hag catches you every time. _

Sirius took another deep breath, willing himself to a soothing calm. He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, until slowly, it subsided. He could hear the chittering of squirrels and the dull buzz of insects and bees. In the tips of his fingers, he could feel a vague disturbance and he spread out his arms, reaching out in the direction of –

“ _ Black _ ?”

Sirius opened his eyes to see a shocked Lily standing in front of him. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail and she was clutching two brown bags that were filled to the brim with groceries to her chest. Grinning, he ambled over to her.

“ _ Evans,  _ I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Lily looked nonplussed, torn between laughing and shouting. She settled for a strange, puckered expression that reminded Sirius of the tall girl who had once accompanied Lily’s parents to the Platform.

“How’s your sister? Parsley, wasn’t it?” he asked, as politely as he could. Running to Lily’s rescue was increasingly looking like a bad idea.

Lily let out a short, surprised laugh. “Petunia, but you can call her Parsley if you like. What’re you doing here, Sirius?”

Sirius looked abashed. What did Prongs see in her? She was relentless; he’d hardly been there a full minute and she’d already started with the interrogations _. _

“I heard about the attack,” muttered Sirius, refusing to look her in the face.  _ Salazar, you had better not be going red. _ “And I wanted to be sure you were safe.”

Lily’s eyebrows looked as though they would disappear into her hair. She regarded him carefully, her face soft and intrigued. Sirius was reminded painfully of the way James looked when he was surprised by Sirius – a rare sight, for the two could practically read each other’s minds. Except, close up, Evans’ eyes were tinged with unhappiness.

“The attack was in the town over but no one was hurt too badly, from what Marlene said. It was nice of you to check up on me,” she said finally. “Dreadfully out of character, but there wasn’t too much there worth carrying into sixth year.”

Sirius barked in laughter. “You’re a cold woman, Evans. Most damsels would be falling all over themselves trying to find a way to thank me for my daring, nerve, and chivalry _.” _

Sirius waggled his eyebrows suggestively, irritated slightly at the unimpressed look on Lily’s face. _ Coming here was definitely a mistake _ . Remus and James had both made an egregious error the past few years by wanting to associate with this one.

“Would croissants be adequate repayment?” inquired Lily, cutting Sirius off mid-thought.

“Oh, uh,” replied Sirius. _ Articulate, Black, truly _ . He had not thought Evans would want to be around him for any longer than she could help. “If you’re sure it wouldn’t be an imposition?”

“Not one bit,” said Lily, holding back a laugh.

“I’m only asking because lunch is a big step, Evans. We don’t want to rush things here.”

Lily chuckled, thrusting both her bags in his arms. “Be a dear and carry these then. I’d like to make the most of being rescued by Sirius Black.”

Sirius bowed, trying not to drop the bags as he did. When he straightened up, Lily looked ready to run as far from him as she could.

“A lady  _ curtseys,  _ Evans. You’re hopeless.”

Shaking her head in disbelief, Lily led him down the road and past a strange looking park, until they were standing outside a small café. Sirius wondered briefly how long it would be before the dilapidated building collapsed on itself. Lily seemed fairly confident it would do no such thing, for she threw open the creaky door and strode in.

“Don’t make me regret this, Black,” Lily growled, even as she said a cheerful hello to the woman behind the counter. The middle-aged woman was delighted at the sight of Lily, though she cast Sirius a surprised look as she warmly welcomed both of them. Sirius smirked. He was making no promises today.

“Are we friends now, Evans?” smirked Sirius under his breath, as Lily hastily introduced him as her “class-mate’s brother who was visiting for the day for such and such business”. He took the opportunity to examine every inch of the café that he could from where he was standing, fascinated by the strange equipment scattered around it – this was the first time he’d been in a real Muggle shop without Remus to hold him back.

Sirius stepped forward, gallantly kissing the back of Mrs. Jones’ hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Jones. I do hope I’m not an intrusion – Lily’s lured me here with tales of baked goods.”

Mrs. Jones flushed and gave him a wide smile. “Not at all, dear. Any friend of Lily’s is welcome here.”

Basking in her evident enthusiasm, Sirius began a steady stream of questions. To his delight, Mrs. Jones was an excellent conversationalist, easily smoothing over the awkwardness he had felt about accompanying Lily to lunch. Lily made a few comments, but for the most part, she chose to scrutinize Sirius from across the table that the two had settled in.

“How’s your father doing, dear?” asked Mrs. Jones, as she finished writing up their orders. Sirius looked up in interest.

Lily stiffened. “He’s doing better, thank you. He’s just a bit tired from the stress.”

“It’s a terrible thing,” murmured Mrs. Jones sympathetically. “I’ll be saying a prayer for him “

Thank you,” said Lily. Her voice was still tight, but she was able to look Mrs. Jones in the eye again.

“Of course, dear. I’ll go get you your goodies.”

Lily nodded, giving her a quick smile as she moved away.

“What’s wrong with your dad, Evans?” demanded Sirius.

“Mind your own business, Black,” said Lily shortly. “And it’s  _ Lily _ , not Evans.”

“Never heard you complain at Hogwarts,” muttered Sirius.

“Everyone at Hogwarts didn’t grow up with my grandad, did they?”

_ Ears like a bat, this one _ . Sirius gaped. “Are you lot Muggle royalty?”

Lily took a long suffering breath. “It’s a small town. You get to know just about everyone.”

“So then everyone here but me knows what’s wrong with your dad?”

Lily glared at him, and he glared back defiantly.  _ She’s worse than Remus before a full moon _ . The bell at the door jingled, making them both jump; two young girls accompanied by their mother walked in. The girls were laughing and squabbling as their mother ushered them towards the cakes. At the sight of the happy family, Sirius felt himself deflate. He wondered what Regulus was doing at the Malfoy’s.

“My dad’s sick.”

Sirius’ eyes snapped back to look at Lily. He counted the tiles on the bench behind Lily as she gathered her words. The croissants sat untouched at their table. Sirius wondered vaguely if he to wait for her before getting started.

“It’s a Muggle illness and they don’t know how to fix him. It’s early days but –

Lily trailed off, shrugging. Sirius admired the attempt at nonchalance.

“Has he been to St. Mungo’s?”

“My mum wants to explore Muggle options first,” said Lily slowly. “I think if she agrees to a magical solution she’ll need to accept they need a miracle. But things aren’t that bad. Not yet anyway.”

Sirius could hear the thrum of despair in her voice. Panicking, he wondered vaguely whether he should comfort her.  _ She’d jinx you into oblivion.  _ Instead, he began to munch on the food laid out before him.

“You should make her take him. I’ll go talk to her right now and tell her how good they are,” said Sirius solemnly. “They’ll fix him right up.”

Lily chuckled. “There’s no convincing my mom when she’s made her mind up,” she said fondly. She seemed less tense, rescuing her share of the food. Conversation flowed easier past Lily’s confession, and Sirius was surprised at how easy it was to get along with her. He caught himself wondering how someone who had willingly associated with Snivellus could be such fun.  _ Moony’s never all wrong.  _

It was much later in the evening, as the two dangled their feet off the tree Lily swore could talk  _ if he would just listen,  _ that Sirius brought up Lily’s father again.

“You’d better Owl me when your mum’s convinced of the errors of her ways,” said Sirius firmly. “I know all the Healers at Mungo’s – we’ll get your dad fixed up in no time.”

“Are you looking to make a habit of rescuing me?” laughed Lily.

“Nah, that’s what James is for. I’m just the trustworthy, better-looking, warrior-for-the-good-guy.”

“Since when do the good guys bully first years?” snorted Lily, elbowing him.

“Oi!” protested Sirius. “I don’t bully anyone who doesn’t deserve it.”

“You lot’s  _ moral code _ is a myth to rival the Chamber of Secrets.”

“It exists. And so does the Chamber while we’re on that _ ,”  _ scoffed Sirius. “You’re just soft on the Slytherins.”

“Having morals isn’t the same as being soft!”

“Having Snivellus as your best friend even after he’s shown his true colours is!” snapped Sirius, surprising himself with his words.  _ Anyone who’s been cosying up with that bigot for years doesn’t get to look down on you _ . _ How dare she? _

The two were suddenly glaring at each other, all traces of amiability wiped clean. Sirius felt a rush of rage, his hands curled into angry fists. He wished he had his wand and that he had never come, never bothered to check up on the hateful, ungrateful girl sitting across from him.

“Severus wouldn’t have been half as bad if you lot didn’t drive him to it,” said Lily through gritted teeth.

“ _ Severus  _ is as dark as they come and you’d see that if you weren’t busy coddling him,” sneered Sirius. He fought to keep his voice calm. “You can’t make someone do the things he and his friends do. How can you cover for him after what he said to you?”

“About the same way you cover for your  _ dark  _ brother,” snarled Lily. “Severus hasn’t done half the things your Muggle-hating brother and his friends have!”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!” shouted Sirius, seized with rage. He was dimly aware of how much his voice had risen and of how much further from him Lily had moved. “That git’s been terrorizing everyone who isn’t you for years and he’s only left you alone because he wants to shag you. You’re not stupid enough to be this blind, Evans.”

Sirius nearly felt bad at the stricken look on Lily’s face.  _ Good, maybe that will knock some sense into her. You can’t walk through life pretending it’s all rainbows and owlets. _

Lily lifted her chin up. “I’m not the one who’s blind. I stopped talking to Severus, didn’t I? I don’t see you walking away from your brother.”

“He’s not bullied anyone. He can’t help if it his mates are all blithering Slytherins, can he?”

“And Severus can?” challenged Lily. She seemed unbothered by the alarming way in which the tree groaned under their weight, and Sirius couldn’t help but admire her focus. “The only difference between our situations is that you’re tied down by your blood and I’m tied down by my heart.”

Sirius was struck quiet by the force of her words.  _ Regulus, you idiot. _

“I’m tied down by my heart too,” said Sirius finally, the words slipping out before he could rein them in.  _ Sirius, you idiot. _

Lily didn’t look as though she was ready to stop fighting, but she relented nonetheless. “It’s not enough. Sooner or later, you’ll need to see that.”

“Is that how you decided?” asked Sirius, wincing inwardly at the desperation in his voice. “He was too far gone and you couldn’t help anymore?”

A shadow passed over Lily’s face and she pushed her hair out of her face impatiently. “I don’t think he’s too far gone. He was my  _ best friend _ for years –I can’t stop thinking that I could help him be better. I don’t know how to just give up on him. But I couldn’t wait forever.”

“Was it hard?”

Lily didn’t answer; she swung around and began making her way down the ladder. Sirius followed her, tapping his knuckles against one another as he waited for an answer. Anyone would think he’d asked her to decrypt something from  _ Magical Mysteries _ .  _ Still need to finish that before the summer ends and Remus finds out I haven’t. _

“Harder than anything else I’ve had to do.”

“Were you certain?”

Lily laughed, amused and unhappy. “It was impossible and I can’t shake the thought that it was wrong. Severus is –  _ was _ – my best friend. That doesn’t just go away – not even after what he said.”

Sirius subsisted. Nothing Lily had said was helpful and yet, it comforted him to hear her say these things.

“So it’s all just bad then, huh?”

“Not all bad,” said Lily reluctantly. The trees had thinned out and the path they were on looked vaguely familiar to Sirius. They walked in silence until Sirius could make out the stretch of houses that had greeted him when he arrived at Cokesworth.

“Has he ever done anything to you? Regulus, I mean.” The dread ballooned in his stomach even as he asked.  _ You couldn’t have left without asking. _

Lily shook her head. “He’s always just in the back, watching. He’s never stopped anyone, not even when he easily could’ve.”

Sirius did not know how to respond to her words. Too many competing emotions wrestled for attention. “I should be getting on. I’ve, er, got a dinner to make an appearance for.”

“Try not to break everything, Black,” said Lily.

“Sirius.”

Lily grinned, “Sirius. Stay in touch.”

“I’ll Owl you,” grinned back Sirius. She nodded briefly before turning away. A moment later, Sirius was alone, the dread of returning home invading his mind. He squared his shoulders.  _ Time to face the wrath of Walburga Black. _


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius Black would know fear many times in his life: the fear that Bella would set his hounds aflame, the fear of being expelled and losing everything he had ever loved when he stood in front of Dumbledore a lifetime ago, the fear that his friends would push apart the walls he had constructed and see the ugliness he hid beneath them, only to abandon him as he had abandoned so many over the years. But true fear, for Sirius Black, would always be the image of Orion Black as he stood that day, his grey eyes a flat, incensed drop of emotion on his otherwise passive face.

Sirius had shouted and Sirius had cried and Sirius had bargained, and finally, Sirius had begged. But there was no mercy, for Orion Black would never show such weakness. Again and again, Sirius felt his skin split open and his bones crack and crumble, and again and again they were healed only to be destroyed anew. Pain and darkness crouched with him and together they prostrated before Orion, pleading for forgiveness from a heart that housed no such waste.

“You disappoint me,” he had stated, and Sirius had felt the weight of his disappointment in the depths of the incisions he made on his flesh. Sirius knew that the only way out was to give in, but he could not fight the pain long enough to force the words out. Instead, he writhed on the floor under the stultifying gaze of the portraits that watched what his father had left behind.

Time must have passed, for Sirius could feel his head clear and memories from earlier began to pervade his thoughts.  _ Shame of my flesh _ , his mother had called him. Sirius shuddered and rolled over, his body grimacing. Bella had told them where he had gone off - it had to have been her, for Walburga had not once asked where he had been. Her maniacal ranting had been interrupted by Pollux, who pointed his cane at Sirius and announced that this had gone on long enough. Sirius could nearly hear Walburga’s thoughts, for her anger was dampened by the intrusion and replaced by the realization that she would no longer be in charge. She wanted him to  _ apologize,  _ Sirius knew, but Sirius’s mind was blank for he also knew there was no escape now.  _ You’re the heir, they won’t kill you.  _ But there was little comfort in this knowledge, for barring the first few hours in Grimmauld basement, Sirius could no longer be as brave as Remus was. __

His senses were turning against him. Sirius had opened his eyes to the sight of Peter, small and haggard and curled up in a knot of pain, moaning and asking “Was she worth it, Sirius? Was she worth your family? _They told you not to leave!”._ Sirius was sweating from the heat and the pain, pounding his head, trying to force the thoughts out of his head, but they pushed down on his chest until he could no longer breathe.

“It’s me.”

Sirius had not thought of his brother for aeons. Regulus was the smart one, if he was honest. He had always known how to tiptoe around their family, how to live up to the expectations. Sirius though, he had never known when to keep his mouth shut.  _ Stupid stupid stupid. _

“I’ll get you out.”

The phantom may have looked like his brother, but it was doing none of the things Regulus would. Sirius had not thought Orion would stoop to using his younger son to toy with him. Sirius thought of his brother and he thought of James, realizing suddenly that he may never see either of them again.  _ James would’ve known how to get me out. _

Phantom Regulus must have stolen tears from him, for he sobbed in Sirius’s stead. Sirius curled his fingers around his wand and tried to conjure water. The air resisted his pull, twisting back until he was left gasping, his lungs unable to keep pace. There was no Regulus and there was no rescue – there was only Sirius, alone and counting breaths until Walburga’s next appointment. Orion, after all, had no need to return to the husk he had reduced Sirius to.

_ Just say what they want to hear.  _ But Sirius couldn’t, hard as he tried, for the lies would incapacitate his mind and still on his tongue. He would not listen. He would not lie. He would not obey. He would never obey.

When arms wrapped around him, Sirius knew he was going to die. He did not fight them, for the embrace possessed none of the coldness of Orion but the unsteady youth only his brother could possess.  _ This must be his final test – the path to heirdom.  _ Sirius would be quiet and he would make it easy for his brother to do what needed to be done – what he was himself had always been too weak to do. Sirius closed his eyes as he was dragged and he felt a prayer at the tip of his tongue, a prayer from long before Hogwarts, when his mother tucked him in bed and told him stories to lull him to sleep.

“You need to get to the Potters. Sirius?  _ Sirius.  _ The Potters. Go to the Potters.”

Sirius opened one eye, wondering how Regulus, phantom or otherwise, had dared to utter the name of a family he despised. His brother was inches from him, his face pale. He forced open Sirius’ palm, filling it with something light and dry, and shoved him. Sirius cowered back. 

“ _ Don’t ever come back home.” _

_ I won’t,  _ thought Sirius,  _ If I could leave, I’d never come back. _ The words faded as he grasped for the respite darkness held. _ If only James were here. James would save me. _


End file.
